A few years ago, I hit this weird phase in my mid-20s where I realized I had no close friends outside of work. Like, yeah, I had acquaintances, people I’d say “We should totally hang out sometime” to, knowing damn well neither of us would ever follow up. But actual, call-you-when-you’re-having-a-crisis, sit-in-silence-watching-TV kind of friends? Nope. That realization hit me hard one Saturday night when I found myself walking around Target alone, pretending to browse candles just to kill time.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to be social. I had moved to a new city, and making friends as an adult is not like school where you just sit next to someone and boom, you’re besties. People already had their groups. Plans were made in group chats I wasn’t in. And even when I did meet people, it never seemed to go past surface level. So that night in Target, while debating if I should buy another unnecessary throw blanket, I had a mini breakdown and decided: screw it, I need to actually do something about this.
I told myself I’d try eight things, just eight, to see if I could force my way out of social purgatory. Spoiler: it worked. It was awkward, sometimes embarrassing, but I went from being that lonely person killing time at Target to actually having plans on weekends. Here’s what helped:
1. Be Open to New Experiences
I realized that doing the same things gives the same results. With that said I forced myself to say yes more often, I stopped turning down invitations just because it was outside my comfort zone.
I tried new things, I joined a cycling group, attended an art class, and grabbed coffee with someone new. This made it easier to meet like-minded people. Was it uncomfortable at first? Heck, yeah, but every new thing I tried gave me something to talk about, new people to meet, and a fresh sense of confidence.
2. Prioritize Time for Socializing
I used to believe that friendships just “happened.” If someone really wanted to hang out, they’d reach out, but the truth is that everyone is busy, and friendships require effort.
So I started treating social plans like any other commitment, I made the effort to set up coffee dates, plan movie nights, and check in on people regularly. It felt forced at first, but it became second nature after a while. The more I prioritized socializing, the easier it was to maintain and deepen connections.
3. Reconnect with Old Friends
At one point, I realized I didn’t have to start from scratch. Some of my best friendships just faded with time, not because of a falling out, but because life just happened.
It was awkward at first to reach out to old friends, but most people were happy to reconnect. A simple “Hey, what’s up? Wanna grab coffee sometime?” rekindled old friendships naturally while others stayed in the past and I was good with that, it is what it is you know?
4. Join a Local Community Center
I never thought of myself as a “community center” person, but honestly? It worked. Local centers host workshops, fitness classes, and group activities, perfect for meeting people who actually want to connect.
Wanna know the best part? The social pressure is lower because everyone is there for a shared purpose. Whether it was book club, an open mic night, or a casual fitness class, I found myself showing up in environments where conversation happened naturally.
5. Attend Events and Meetups
The idea of showing up alone to an event scared the hell out of me, I had to push past that boundary to go to an event alone. Guess what after I went alone? I met new people with the same interests as me and they are pretty cool!
I started looking for events through social media and platforms. I actually showed up instead of just scrolling past invites. Over time, I found that meeting people this way felt easier because the setting made it clear that everyone was open to conversation.
6. Take a Class or Workshop
Back when I attended that art class early on, I didn’t just learn how to paint(still don’t know how to paint but I’m getting there)- I learned how easy it was to bond with people over shared experiences. While meetups helped me meet new people, I found that structured environments, like classes made creating connections even easier.
It was easy to bond with people I was in class with, we laughed at how my cat painting looked like a piece of bread instead of my orange cat at home, these classes provided a way to connect with people that has the same interests as me.
7. Join a Book Club or Sports Team
I was never a sports person, but I said to myself “F*ck it, I’m gonna get a bike”, so I went to my local bike shop and got an entry-level road bike, and started cycling. Then, I noticed during my coffee shop stops there were also other cyclists hanging and they invited me to join their group rides. Those group rides were hell on earth, but that shared struggle and pain with my cycling group helped me create a deeper bond with them.
After those rides, we usually stop by a coffee shop and we joke about how slow I was riding then we talk about what we have been up to lately. I am still cycling with these wackjobs and our weekly group ride is still hell on earth but it’s fun and I love our coffee stop talks.
8. Starting Conversations
At the end of the day, starting a conversation still scared me, so I learned to ask open-ended questions, show genuine interest, and stop overthinking every word I said. The reality is most people are just as nervous about socializing as I am. A simple “Hey, how did you hear about this event?” or “What you’ve been up to lately” helped break the ice. And the more I did it, the easier it got.
Friendship Takes Effort, But It’s Worth It
Looking back, I realize that making friends as an adult isn’t about luck—it’s about being intentional. I spent too much time waiting for friendships to happen naturally, only to feel stuck in a cycle of loneliness. But when I made the choice to step outside my comfort zone, try new things, and put real effort into maintaining connections, everything changed.
It wasn’t always easy—there were awkward moments, failed attempts, and times I wanted to retreat into old habits. But every small effort, from joining a new group to sending a simple “Let’s catch up” text, helped me turn acquaintances into real friends. I went from aimlessly wandering through Target alone on a Saturday night to having a solid social circle filled with people who genuinely enrich my life.
So if you’re feeling stuck, know that friendship is still possible, even in adulthood. It just takes effort, a little courage, and a willingness to say yes. Start small, be patient, and remember—everyone is looking for connection, just like you.
